Patti Mayonnaise Comes Out Pt.1 (As told by Doug)

Dear journal, it’s been a while. Its senior year in high school and a lot has been going on in my life and I haven’t been writing as much. It all started a few days ago. Patti called me saying she wanted to talk. My heart started beating quickly. I knew that it was finally my chance to tell her how I feel. She wanted to meet at the Bluffington mall so I thought it was something special. I had been more comfortable talking with her. I guess getting older made me more comfortable around her.

I arrive at the mall and look around for Patti. She didn’t tell me where to meet her so I sent a text. I felt a little dumb walking alone trying to find her. I got a text from her saying “Behind you.” She was sitting in the food court. Patti looked as beautiful as ever. I liked her hair short the way she wore it since freshmen year. Her style had changed some. Still sporty yet when going out she had more of a mature look that made me still feel like she was out of my league.

She greeted me same as always “Hey Doug!” Her saying my name always put me in a better mood. I was about to drift into a daydream when she asked if I was listening. I felt it was my time to just take a chance and tell her how I feel. As soon as I opened my mouth to speak she said, “Doug I’ve know you for a while now and you’re one of my closest friends. I feel I can tell you anything.” I looked at Patti. Her eyes were saying she was serious. “I feel the same way Patti.” I was ready to tell her everything. She grabbed my hand and I knew it was the right time.

Before I could say anything else she said, “I’m gay. Well, a lesbian. I don’t know how to tell anyone and I thought since we were so cool with each other you’d understand.” My heart stopped. I didn’t know what to say. What could I say? Patti was telling me something so personal and all I could think about was “Why me?”

I managed to utter out “How do you know for sure? You could be confused.” Patti let out a sigh and really looked me in the eyes and said, “I know Doug. I’ve known for a long time. I didn’t believe it at first, but after a while I just knew. Connie and I have been together officially for a year. After graduation we’re moving in together. I wanted to share this with you first.” Patti smiled a lot. I’d never seen her so happy. I couldn’t help, but be happy for her and sad at the same time. The girl I loved all this time was never the one for me. It hurt. It really did, but I was relieved too.

I sat and talked with Patti a bit longer. I guess the longer I sat there the more I felt it might be a dream. She was going on and on about how great Connie is. I couldn’t help but wonder if she knew. If she knew how I felt and this was just some way to torture me for never saying anything. I got the feeling that even if I told her so long ago she would still be a lesbian and still be with Connie. With my luck I might have been the push she needed to know for sure.

I asked her how she and Connie even got together. Turns out they went to a school dance together after Connie didn’t have a date and Patti got stood up by Chalky Studebaker. He was supposed to take her, but his dad decided on a spur of the moment vacation. Patti and Connie made a connection that night and kissed. Where was I you ask? I was in a corner of the school gym feeling sorry for myself wishing I had the courage to ask Patti out.

After leaving the mall and hugging Patti goodbye I headed home. The hug felt different. My heart wasn’t beating fast anymore and I just felt kind of empty. Patti was happy, but I wasn’t and I couldn’t tell Skeeter. Patti wasn’t ready to talk yet and he can’t always keep a secret. I turned to the one person I knew always had my back despite our differences.

My sister Judy was taking a semester off from college and was living with us for the next three months. I decided to ask her about everything. Judy just listened at first without saying a word. When I had finished she was sill silent. Then she said, “There’s nothing you can do little brother. I’ve had my share of experiences and loves come and go in my life. You can’t change a person. Patti was born this way just like I was born an artist and you were born to be the best friend.” I knew Judy wasn’t going to be any help. The only thing that made sense was that I couldn’t change Patti. Why would I anyway? I fell in love with her the way she is why would I want her to change I just want to see her happy.

I messaged Patti. I told her we needed to talk again. I wanted to tell her everything I had been feeling. I asked her to meet me at the park the next day. It was the only place I could think of. When I do show up to the park to meet with her she was already there. She was sitting holding hands with Connie. “Aren’t you worried someone might see?” I asked.

“Let them. We’re tired of hiding how we feel.” Said Connie.

“So am I.” I said. “I’m sorry to do this in front of you Connie, but Patti I’ve loved you since the day I met you. All these years you’re all I wanted, all I ever thought about. I know I can’t make you feel the same way, but I don’t want to go on without saying anything. I’m probably making a fool of myself, but I don’t care. I’m happy for you and I’m happy that you’re happy. I’m your friend and your friend too Connie. I support you guys cause that’s what good friends do.

There was a silence. I felt like dying. Patti said, “Oh Doug, I’m sorry. I didn’t know. I don’t know what to say, but thank you for being here for us.” I sat and talked again with Patti and this time Connie. We just talked like regular people, like friends. We talked until the sun set because we all knew that tomorrow everything would be different. Tomorrow everyone would know.

To be continued…

(As told by Patti)